As many of us enter the “change of life,” our daughters are going through their own hormonal upheaval. Moodiness is part of the package, and this can be difficult for all parties concerned. But, Marla Ahlgrimm says it can help to know (or rather remember) what’s actually happening inside their brains and bodies.
Hormonal Changes
According to Marla Ahlgrimm, around the ages of nine to 12, young women’s bodies begin to produce higher levels of estrogen and progesterone. This is the body’s way of kick-starting the puberty process. Even small fluctuations in these hormones can trigger big emotional upheavals. Marla Ahlgrimm explains that hormonal changes can make a young girl irritable, sad, anxious, or angry, even without an obvious trigger.
Brain Development
On top of a changing body, the brain is changing as well. Marla Ahlgrimm explains that the prefrontal cortex is still immature in preteen girls. This is the part of the brain responsible for thinking, planning, and emotional regulation. At the same time, the amygdala, which is known as the emotional center of the brain, is in hyperdrive, making reactions to stress, disappointment, and embarrassment feel amplified. All of this can result in overreactions to minor conflicts, as young girls often can’t articulate what they’re feeling.
Social Pressures
Outside of the body, Marla Ahlgrimm reminds us that young girls are often dealing with social and identity pressures that we may have long forgotten. As their bodies develop, they may begin comparing themselves to friends and even media images. This can cause friend dynamics to change rapidly and leave a preteen daughter seeking social acceptance and fearing judgment more than ever.
Increased Sensitivity
As the preteen brain continues to learn to filter and contextualize comments made around and about them, young girls have a heightened emotional awareness. They may feel personally attacked even by a mild joke or criticism. Marla Ahlgrimm explains that young girls can feel overwhelmed even by small things.
Lifestyle Factors
Puberty shifts the body into overdrive and can change the circadian rhythm. Marla Ahlgrimm explains that many girls between nine and 12 naturally begin to feel sleepy later, but they still need between 9 and 11 hours of sleep each night. With early school start times, this is often unattainable. Other lifestyle factors at this age include increased consumption of caffeine and sugar, lack of physical activity, and irregular meals. Excessive screen time can also increase anxiety and disrupt natural sleep patterns.
Desire for Independence
We all want to be independent, but Marla Ahlgrimm says that young girls are caught in a position of internal conflict between a strong desire for independence and a need for guidance. Preteens want to make their own choices and be seen as capable, but their brains are not fully developed enough to handle complex situations. When limits are set or boundaries drawn, preteens may feel unfairly controlled, which can lead to arguments, defiance, or withdrawal.
Ultimately, Marla Ahlgrimm says that pre-teen moodiness is not just about being difficult. It is a natural mix of biology, brain growth, and social challenges. As adults, it is our responsibility to guide with patience and empathy to help our daughters navigate this time and develop a stronger ability to regulate their own emotions.
Marla Ahlgrimm has co-authored two ground-breaking books,